by Rease Kirchner

We have all run into an unpleasant airline employee at some point. I want to let it be known that I have met several pleasant ones as well. I also have a pretty good idea of why these employees are so crabby, this letter is just a fun way to let them know that I’m on their side.

Dear Surly Airline Employee,

First of all, let me just apologize. I am sorry you have had a terrible day, week, year and likely, better half of your life. I realized you have probably seen a thousand other people here today, many of them as surly as you and likely the cause of such unpleasantness, but give me a break. I am approaching you with the best of intentions. I do not wish to argue with you, blame you for my problems, or ask for any miracles. I just want you to do your job. Please refrain from treating me like a criminal or the cause of your personal anguish. I do not appreciate your over-zealous inspection of my luggage that I know is regulation size, nor do I appreciate your heavy sighs that follow my every word.

I realize that you do not create the rules, but please do me a favor and recognize the absurdness of some of them.  Yes, I realize that person in front of me should have removed the leftover ketchup packet from their jacket pocket, but do we really need to let that person’s stupidity ruin all of our days? Does it have to result in an extra invasive pat down for me? I am but an innocent bystander of the ketchup fiasco.

I think we can both agree that people who bring oversize carry-on bags are obnoxious. These fools have made it past countless signs, size testing displays and no doubt have heard and seen all the warnings. However, one or more of these idiots will inevitably make it onto the flight. They will annoy us both as they slam their massive bags into far more space than they are allotted. You hate them and so do I. Why is it, then, that you feel the need to single me out? I, final zone boarding passenger with my meager backpack which happens to hold my laptop, am not responsible for the oversize carry-on buffoon. I suggest you take your anger out on them instead of getting pissy with me when I calmly explain that I will not be checking my laptop bag.

Oh, surly airline employee, please do not take offense to this. I know you run into thousands of assholes, each and every day. People that want to bring their fruit basket overseas, children who throw peanuts at you, passengers that treat you as their personal servant and, worst of all, the people who are having a terrible day and think it is simply all your fault. I am merely asking you to remember that some of us are not miserable jerks, so give us a chance to smile politely, follow the rules, and make your life just a little bit easier. Also, let it be known that you have an ally should you wish to take revenge on any unpleasant passengers, we’d make an excellent team.

Sincerely,

A traveler with good manners

Rease Kirchner a staff writer/Travel Adviser for Travelated. She is a US citizen currently living the ex-pat life in Buenos Aires, Argentina. She is bilingual and an experienced traveler. She loves gaining and sharing knowledge of local cultures, customs and adventure. Her blog Mi Vida en Buenos Aires documents her life as a foreigner.

The new TSA body scanners are causing a lot of confusion and discussion. Here’s the low down on this new technology.

How does it work?

There are two types of scanners, a millimeter wave unit and a backscatter unit. The millimeter wave machine bounces electromagnetic waves off the body of the person being scanned which then creates a black and white, 3 dimensional image of the body. The backscatter unit uses radiation, projecting x-ray beams over the body and then projecting a reflection of the body onto a screen.

In either case, the passenger will have to step into the machine and remain still for about a minute while the images are produced.

Is it safe?

Tossing around words like “electromagnetic waves” and “radiation” can be a little unnerving, which is why passengers are having an understandably skeptical response to these new machines.

The machines were evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration’s (FDA) Center for Devices and Radiological Health (CDRH), the National Institute for Standards and Technology (NIST), and the Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory (APL). Each organization declared the amount radiation is within the limits set by the American National Standards Institute (ANSI). As for the millimeter wave units, the energy emitted from the machines is 1000 times less than the energy emitted by a common cell phone. So, according to the studies, both of these machines are safe, even for children, pregnant women, and passengers with medical implants.

What about privacy?

This is the big issue. Many people could care less about how the machines work and how safe they are, they are crying out for their privacy rights. TSA is arguing that they have put significant effort into providing as much privacy as possible. The officer that instructs the passenger to enter the machine is never the person who views the resulting image. Each location has designated officers who see the images from a remote location and the facial features will be blurred, which gives the passenger anonymity. The machines also cannot save, print, or send the images anywhere. The image will be visible to the remotely located officer until it is declared safe and then it will be cleared forever.

What does this mean for travelers?

These machines are being installed in airports across the country. Passengers are still being given the option to have a full pat down if they are uncomfortable with the machine. Of course, I don’t think any of us are all too keen to be patted down either. The bottom line is, these machines have been declared safe and have not been shown to violate any privacy laws so their continued use and installation of new machines is completely legal.

What do you think of the new scanners? Share your thoughts and vote in our Grope vs. Scan poll.

Rease Kirchner a staff writer/Travel Adviser for Travelated. She is a US citizen currently living the ex-pat life in Buenos Aires, Argentina. She is bilingual and an experienced traveler. She loves gaining and sharing knowledge of local cultures, customs and adventure. Her blog Mi Vida en Buenos Aires documents her life as a foreigner.

The TSA recently rolled out new full body scanners at airports across the US, and not surprisingly the scanners are causing some controversy. The controversy stems from the graphic detail produced by the scanners, with some claiming that the images produced are borderline pornographic. More controversy arises from the procedures employed on those who opt out of being scanned; an invasive pat down. The pat down is reportedly very aggressive, especially around the groin where agents are told to feel up your legs until they “meet resistance.”

So, if you are faced with the choice of going through the body scanner (which will display your nude body to a TSA agent while exposing you to unknown levels of radiation), or enduring a violating pat down, which will you choose?

by Brian McGovern

Traveling across 10 cities in two weeks is tricky, even for a professional magician. Years ago I could board an airplane with my bag of tricks without any trouble.  Back then my briefcase was packed full of items that today would shut down an airport and land me on the no-fly list for eternity; daggers, stainless steel scissors, butane, rope, a voodoo doll, a steel cage and a number of inexplicable secret magician gimmicks that look like weapons.  Not to mention the doves.

I spent several years training doves for my magic act.  I’d magically produce these beautiful creatures on stage.  They’d circled me twice and fly directly into the cage and vanish mysteriously on my command. One day they mysteriously vanished thanks to the customs agents in Singapore. Even though I had the correct paperwork for transporting birds the customs agent kept my lovely doves in quarantine. It took several days for the airline to deliver my birds to the hotel, dead.

A magician in Johor Bahru allowed me to his doves for the big outdoor show I was doing for a multinational corporation that evening. Both birds made their magical appearance right on cue, circled me three times and vanished into the Singapore night. I spent the next morning searching the trees with my magician friend and luckily we found his birds in perfect shape.

While it is still possible to travel with my stage equipment in storage, I’ve had too many problems with lost luggage to make that a practical way to transport my show. If the airline loses your suitcase you can always buy some new clothes, but try finding a replacement box so you can saw a lady in half in Missouri at 3 a.m.

I’ve given up some of my favorite routines that required me to travel with things that might cause me to spend time in custody. The beautiful guillotine that cost $5,000 to build and created the perfect illusion of chopping off a volunteer’s head gathers dust in my studio.  The 38 caliber gun I use to catch bullets rarely makes an appearance and only when I’m driving to a show.

Before the hysteria of post-9/11, a magician could explain away a lot of suspicious equipment. Sure the police were called back in 1997 when I left an alarm clock strapped to a bundle of fake TNT in my room at the Holiday Inn – but all it took was a couple of card tricks to convince them I was an illusionist and not an anarchist.  If it happened today I’d probably be in Guantánamo.

Oh, and if you’re ever in Haiti, don’t mention that you’re a magician. My agent made the mistake of asking the hotel to send a car to “pick up the magician at the airport.” They said they could not find a cabbie in all of Haiti to drive a voodoo man. Hours later I flagged down a van and told the driver my story. As soon as I said I was a magician the man was in a panic. He nervously peeked at me through the rear view mirror. When we got to hotel I handed him the fare. It was as if I were handing him a poisonous viper. He took it slowly. He forced a weak smile a repeated, “Nice man. Nice man. I am a good man, I am your friend.” It was a rare moment of power for a guy who does card tricks for a living.

Nowadays I ship my stage props ahead via FedEx and have another set ready to ship in case the first one disappears. So far they’ve never let me down. I board the plane with my carry on luggage, a magic book and a deck of cards. When I get to the hotel my props are already in my room, just like magic.

Brian McGovern is a professional magician and comedian in New York City.  He entertains for private and public events all over the world. He’s been known to sneak his bunny rabbit onto airplanes from time to time. Find out more at http://hijinx.tv

Prepare yourself for the current carry-on restrictions, read up on what is allowed and what’s not.

by Sean Peters

TSA security checkpoints can be inconvenient, or worse, nerve-wracking and stress-inducing.  But few fliers would argue against the now-extensive security measures that ensure safer flying.  A few extra minutes (often more than a few) in line or getting your bags or body searched are worth it for a more worry-free, secure flying experience.

There is nothing you can do about the lines, but there are things that you can do to streamline your trip through the security screening area.  Your reward for being prepared?  A few extra minutes browsing the airside shops and eateries or reading the paper at your gate.  Even if that is not worth it, lessening the chances of a checkpoint hassle is.

How can you streamline your security screening experience?

Organize your carry-on

An orderly carry-on bag makes it easier for the agent manning the x-ray machine to see what is actually in your bag.  This will lessen the chance that your trip through the checkpoint will be delayed by a manual bag search.  The TSA recommends packing a layer of clothes on top, followed by any electronic devices or toiletries.  Heavier clothing should be on the bottom.

Large electronic devices have to go in the x-ray machine separately.  This includes lap-tops and DVD players.  Packing these items in their own bag, if possible, can be helpful.

Know the Rules

Despite the TSA’s informational efforts, carrying-on liquid can be a source of confusion for many passengers.  Basically, passengers are allowed to bring “travel sized” liquids (toothpaste, shampoo, etc) up to 3.4 ounces (100mL) if they are placed in a quart-sized plastic zip-lock bag (of the clear variety).  Medications and baby formula (and other necessities) can be brought through, but must be inspected manually.  If you have extra liquids, announce the fact to the TSA agent early in the screening process.  Generally, the security personnel will be accommodating and the extra inspection won’t add much time to your checkpoint ordeal.  That said, it is almost easier to leave the toiletries at home and buy them once you reach your destination (or even once you have entered the airside terminal).

Don’t Set Off the Metal Detector

Most people who are stopped by the metal detector are simply victims of carelessness.  Maybe they have accounted for things like electronics and liquids, but have failed to remove the change from their pocket or failed to realize that they were wearing heavy jewelry or a large belt buckle.  It is best to keep your pockets as empty as possible.  If you can’t put everything in your carry-on bag, opt for a second bag (purse, waist-pack, or carry-all) that can be brought on the plane and can be used to store all your pocket-able items in one place.  If you do this, then you won’t have to fumble with keys, cell-phones, wallets and change before being x-rayed.

People with non-removable implants can avoid extra hassle by announcing the fact to the TSA agent before going through the x-ray.  Most likely, they will be subject to a wand search or pat down, but if the agents are aware of the location of the implant, the extra search won’t take more than a few moments.

Wear Slip-On Shoes

Shoes are another item that people often forget about when preparing to go through a security checkpoint.  Yes, you probably want to make sure that you are not wearing socks with holes in them and that you have trimmed your toenails.  But, things like wearing shoes that can slip on and off easily is more important to saving time and reducing stress.  Some fliers even go as far as wearing special security-time-saving slip-ons while carrying their regular shoes in their carry-on bags.  Once they reach the gate or board the plane, they can make the switch to their regular footwear.  Shoes like sandals and loafers are good options, though any generic slip-on can do the trick for both men and women.

Getting Through Security with Kids

Security at airports can present special challenges for people traveling with kids.  The TSA has special family security lanes at each airport in the country.  This feature can definitely lessen the stress level for flying families.  Even if the family lanes are for some reason inaccessible, parents can prepare their kids with some of the strategies mentioned above, such as giving older children slip-on shoes and giving them their own waist pack for any pocket-able items.  Even baby supplies can be made security friendly.  Easily collapsible strollers can be used to put through the x-ray machine more easily and a diaper bag with supplies (liquids kept in a separate bag) can streamline the x-ray experience.

The TSA has an information page on their web site that can help with further checkpoint preparations.

For more helpful know before you go tips, check out the Traveler’s Checklist.

Sean Peters writes about air travel advice, airlines reviews and destinations at Airline Tickets.org. He also is the managing editor at Insurance Quotes.

The recent attempted attack on an airplane has once again stirred the pot of airport security, and this time there are some funky ideas floating around.

As the discussion of how to best secure our airports heats up, there are plenty of people throwing out ideas for how to keep travelers safe. Some of the ideas involve tactics that sound like science fiction such as mind reading, advanced lie detection, and three dimensional body scanning. There are more traditional ideas in the mix as well, such as randomizing screening methods, or more intense one-on-one screenings.

It is unclear which proposals will stick in the long run and be added to our security routines, but the ideas are certainly fascinating to read about. Check out this AP article for a more in depth look at some of the security proposals that are currently being considered.

When you are going through the security checkpoint at the airport and they take your favorite pocket knife and your excess shampoo and toothpaste, do you know where your items are going? Well, it depends on the item.

As for your shampoo and toothpaste (in quantities greater than 3 ounces), they are immediately disposed of. As for your favorite pocket knife (or anything else considered of value), it will be donated to a state surplus agency, and be sold at auction, retail store, or website such as Ebay. Some agencies give first choice of the items to deserving organizations, like the Boy Scouts of America.

Just remember, if you have something of value and you want to keep it, your best chance is to put it in your checked-in baggage. Don’t risk losing your prized possession because you didn’t follow the rules. You can’t bring knives, corkscrews, electric saws, meat cleavers, bats, clubs, blades, wrenches, replica weapons, or even “decorative belt buckles shaped like guns or plastic toys”, (or gasoline, as one traveler tried and failed) with you on an aircraft. The rules are for your safety and the safety of those around you.

Source: www.cnn.com