The mind games of running in Vegas

Updated August 7, 2023

Running and I have a love-hate relationship. Well, that’s a lie–it’s a hate-hate relationship. I hate running because it is completely awful and I want to die while doing it, and running hates me and punishes me unfairly with shin splints and bone bruising. Once upon a time I was actually fairly good at running–two years ago Rease and I ran a half-marathon, but now it’s a struggle for me to even make a mile. However, I have managed to run a full mile my last two runs, so I am making progress.

Why do I keep running, you ask? Because I want to be a runner. I want to like it. And in my psychotic little mind, if I force myself to do it, eventually I’ll like it. This is how I dealt with bananas. I ate my very first banana last year, but that’s a story for another day.

The mental running war

I have to talk to/yell at myself constantly while running to keep moving. The heat also starts to affect my mental capacity to think, and I go a little crazy. This is what goes on in my head during a typical run:

Oh my god, my feet are moving. Wait, are they? Yes, they are. I’m running. Don’t trip and fall into the road cause a car will run you over and then you’ll die. Vegas drivers are crazy and they won’t think twice about mowing you down. Okay, focus. Feet moving, one in front of the other.
Look! I can see the Strip! That’s kind of inspiring! I can run and look at the Vegas skyline. I think I’m kind of lucky to have a view like this.
I am not lucky and I effing hate my life. Running is the worst thing on the planet. Who does this? WHO DOES THIS? Skinny girls in Vegas shows do this–I’m just a teacher! Teachers shouldn’t run! I should just stop. I want to stop. I’m going to stop…. NO! I will not stop! Stopping is for losers who eat McDonald’s for every meal!
I want some McDonald’s. Oh my god, French fries. Maybe I can have some later. No!!!! Running, not eating!
That girl just passed me. I hate her. Okay, I don’t hate her. She’s just thinner and tanner than me and looks fabulous running in her neon sports bra. I’m wearing my high school gym shorts and an enormous t-shirt. It’s okay. It doesn’t matter what I look like. Okay it does and I kind of hate myself now. No, I don’t! I embrace my sweatiness! If you look good while running, you aren’t doing it right! Just keep moving and you can wear a neon sports bra too!
Look out for that dog shit!
Why is it so hot? Freaking Vegas. I’m moving to Alaska. Okay I won’t, I’ll just take a cold shower. Same thing.
Who is this creeper standing on the corner? Is he going to attack me? Do I look like someone who could easily be attacked, or do I look like a bad-ass runner who will rip your face off? I’m so sweaty I bet I look like easy prey. I hate sweating. Sweating is the worst. Okay, creeper is waiting for the bus. Still, maybe I should get some mace.
I can see the stop light! I can see the Ft. Apache stoplight! I get to stop running when I get to the stoplight! STOPLIGHT, I AM COMING!
WHY IS THE STOPLIGHT STILL SO FAR AWAY I WANT TO DIE MY LUNGS ARE GOING TO EXPLODE. Do I have asthma? Eff running then.
Look, a gas station. I didn’t know that gas station was on the corner. I can get gas there later. I wish I had some cash so I could go in there and get a Snickers. Oh my god, the gas station is on the corner of Ft. Apache! I am 30 seconds away from stopping this madness!!!
I LOVE YOU STOPLIGHT! I WISH I COULD HUG YOU AND TAKE YOU HOME WITH ME I AM SO HAPPY NOT TO BE RUNNING ANYMORE! I DON’T CARE THAT MY FACE IS BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN AND THAT I AM COMPLETELY SOAKED WITH SWEAT. I AM TRIUMPHANT! I RAN ALL THE PLACES FROM THAT CORNER TO THIS ONE!
Fuck, I have to walk a mile back to my house.

Some people naturally enjoy working out–for me, it’s a constant battle, but I am determined to win! I’d like to run another half-marathon, and I’m interested in trying out barefoot running. Hopefully I’ll win the mental running war and someday wear my very own neon sports bra.